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Erica D'Eramo 0:05
Hello and welcome to the Two Piers Podcast. I'm your host Erica D'Eramo, and today we've got guest Will Paulson joining us. Will is an ICF accredited leadership and innovation coach and the founder of Wayward Purpose, which he built around a simple mission of restoring togetherness. He's also a husband, father of four, lifelong learner, and military leader with nearly 20 years of experience developing people, leading teams, and navigating complex environments. He's here today to join us in a discussion about the impact of emotional awareness on operational readiness. Hi, Will. Welcome to the podcast.
Will Paulson 0:50
Hi, Erica. Glad to be here. Thank you for that amazing intro.
Erica D'Eramo 0:55
Yeah, I mean, I could probably give like a 30-minute intro on you, but let me let me hand it over to you actually to tell us about your journey because it is quite an interesting one. And when I knew I've known I wanted to talk about this topic of kind of emotional awareness, operational readiness, and frankly, I was just kind of waiting to come across the right guest to have the conversation with me, and I feel like I have found it in you. So, so with that, no pressure, but tell us a little bit about yourself and what what your journey has been.
Will Paulson 1:32
I appreciate that. I never know where to start with with with all of these or with this question in general. There's so many different points and and markers along my path. I could start with. I think, like you said in the intro, 20 years of military service has kind of kind of shaped me to what I do professionally, and my my kids and my marriage have definitely shaped me into who who I am emotionally, and when I think about the emotional awareness and and and all that stuff, it it just reminds me of the whole person concept and and who we all are, just mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, you name it. And I'm really excited for this conversation, and we can just dive right into it. So super exciting!
Erica D'Eramo 2:22
Yeah, I mean, so throughout your career, I'm I'm curious what brought you to the concept of coaching. Like as a fellow coach, I'm always interested in how people discovered this realm of this career realm, especially when it's through I don't know what I would call non traditional roots. Like I get the question a lot. You were an engineer, now you're a coach. How did how did that happen? So yeah, what was what was your entry point into coaching?
Will Paulson 2:51
Ooh, no, that's a good one. I'm not not going to lie and say that like it was an epiphany, and I woke up and I'm like, man, I really need to be a coach. I think it happened about five years ago when I basically ended up getting to to a point in my life where I felt like I was almost feeling disconnected from who I am, what am I, what I was doing, what I've built. I couldn't answer simple questions and just happenstance, I ended up running into like three coaches back to back, and it took me to ask them like, "What what is a coach? and that opened up a doorway into a coaching cohort. And after I got done with that, the the coaching cohort with with Flatter Inc. I was like, "This is what coaching is. And here I was thinking that, oh, yeah, I've coached my daughter soccer and coached basketball and all these things, and I've been a mentor for 15 years in the military, and I realized I was completely wrong in what the definition of coaching was, and being able to invoke awareness and powerful questioning and all that stuff that coaches do that help so many people grow-that was the first step into coaching. And then those same questions that I started asking myself and starting a writing practice that grew into wayward purpose, all all started down this entire path. That now I love being a coach, and I'm excited to every day to be a better coach. So it's kind of the origin story there.
Erica D'Eramo 4:35
Yeah, I I think that's a common theme with a lot of us that found our way. Like we had an idea of what coaching was, and maybe it was. Sometimes when I ask people, "What's your what's your relationship with the word coaching, the good, bad, and the ugly? Right. Some of us have experienced a lot of bad advice, or whatever. And when we finally experience what that really is, and the power of open-ended questions, I think it can be a big a big shift. So the the concept. Of emotions and like emotional awareness, I my observation has been in a lot of tough environments or what I call like high stakes environments. A lot of times we encounter this. I'm going to call it a myth, but maybe a perception that oh, this is aside from the operations, right? This is maybe even gets in the way of the operations. That's the soft stuff. I'm using scare quotes for folks who can only hear us. That's like the HR stuff. That's the therapy stuff, emotions, and it's something that for me I've become quite Passionate about, and I feel like personally it is misunderstood and an enabler. But let me let me pause. Let me just get your your reflections on going through your career. What have you noticed in some of these environments about the role that emotions play in operations?
Will Paulson 5:59
Honestly, for for the the young young will early on in my career, I I think I had the the normal 20 year old response to emotions and everything growing up in in the military culture you know like push everything down and and show up to work and you're not allowed as a leader to have a bad day because you're leading people or keep your emotions in check, and I think it honestly took the my very first like breakdown as an individual where I actually ended up finding myself in a chaplain's office and completely breaking down for me to really understand that. Well, yes, there's a time and place sometimes for psychological safety, or trust, or for conversations, or for emotions, or to be able to get feedback on things in an operational sense in something that's happening, or if you have the time to dive into things, or after the fact, to be able to talk about things, and kind of led to a whole shift in my mindset that was always under the mindset, you know, like, hey, the the mission first, people always, and until that changed into like take care of your people because the the people make sure that the mission kind of endures. To yes, people drive the mission forward, but emotions drive people, and it wasn't until that that that kind of clicked early on in my career that led to a lot more seeing other people as human beings with thoughts, emotions, goals, and all the stuff going on in their life, that really helped changed my leadership and stewardship mindset. From you know the there's the the saying like when you tell people to do their job, we get workers, but when we trust people to get the job done, we get leaders, and it kind of shifted a lot of my own feelings on just the emotional side of things. So,
Erica D'Eramo 8:09
yeah, that's it. That's interesting to hear about the even the conversation with the chaplain because I think this has been almost like an aha moment for me that there are some organizations that recognize the need for that type of support in in challenging environments, especially where you're far from your family and far from support networks. and And having spent 20 years in energy, well, I guess it was like 19 and a half, but having spent about two decades in energy. Yeah, it never occurred to me actually that anybody would be looking out for the emotional, spiritual, holistic well-being of anyone on the crew. And in some ways, I feel like, and this is an outsider's perspective. I feel like maybe the military has had to reckon with some of these elements in a more proactive way, and there are other industries that are still behind in their understanding of that. So it ends up falling to since there is no chaplain, right? There's maybe a medic. It ends up falling to the front line leaders to play the role of keeping an eye out on the well being of the team and the presence. You know what is the what is the emotional quality out here right now? What is the focus? And these are often folks who have no awareness or training in it. Not that that takes people off the hook just because there's a chaplain around doesn't mean that the leaders in any other organization shouldn't evolve this. But it was like this penny dropped when I was like, oh right, some organizations actually figured out you need to give people somebody to talk to, and others have not. So I don't know what is your reaction as I share some of that.
Will Paulson 9:59
Yeah, no. I mean, there's there's a lot of different thoughts that came in. I'm in no place to to to speak on behalf of military or anything that the that the military is is doing or or has done. It's not my my role or or anything. But from the the lived experience of just being a leader while wearing the cloth of our nation, like I, we we've always done an amazing job, in my opinion, in the organizations that I was in, like helping make sure that people were taken care of before getting out the door to either do like a temporary travel or a deployment or you name it, and that I mean that was from the given time to the to the families if they had families or to themselves leave training wills finances all of the things. So when these members were forward deployed or forward from from base or post, their their mind could be 100% focused on the the mission at hand that needed to be accomplished, and I think part of that, and especially what I've I've integrated into a lot of the things that doing at at Wayward Purpose is is like emotional awareness isn't the the opposite of operational toughness. Like it's yeah, it's part. It's yeah, it's yeah, it's it's part of the operational effectiveness. I think like emotions aren't obstacles to good decisions. They're they're information about what happens to us, and and sometimes we often treat emotions as something to control or suppress or overcome, especially when people who pride themselves on being logical or competent or dependable or strong or you name your your your noun there, adjective, whatever it is. I failed some English classes back in the day. It's okay, but emotions they help us recognize what matters, and and and then there's a part of that where reflections help us understand why, and then the our choices. I mean, those are is what allows us to decide what what to do about them, and with I only say all that because like a lot of the things that feed into the emotions and and everything that we do is is just really a whole bunch of information and and not really instructions on on what to do and it's part of who we are and how we show up for ourselves, show up for others, and show up for our our teams and our communities is is part of what what I coin is restoring togetherness and a lot of the work we do at Wayward Purpose and what what we're building towards. So,
Erica D'Eramo 12:51
yeah, I think that's maybe why I was drawn to having this discussion with you is because that focus on restoring togetherness is maybe the piece that, like, I see that as being an enabler, or or at least being a motivator for why be on the lookout for how other people are doing. Like human to human, these people are not just here to execute what I need them to do, but are also living in their own world, and how do we connect on a human level in this environment? In a professional, you know, like we're still professionals. But what have you observed around that restoring togetherness? What brought you to the concept of restoring togetherness as the guiding principle?
Will Paulson 13:39
Ooh, no, that's that's a good one there. A lot of great people, to be honest, from all of the different groups of people that are out there just doing great things that that I've either been involved with from my friends at Conversa Corp and the stuff they're doing with Aid Arena for crisis and humanitarian disaster relief and facilitation to my friends at Far Summer Studios, where they're like actively trying to change how secondary education kind of goes and transforming how how learning happens to friends at Mentally Shredded, to people like you, friends like you out here, and ultimately a 30-minute word vomit to my 12-year-old daughter, taking her to dance practice because I'm a proud dance dad for one of my my four kids' activities. And when I tried to explain to her what I was what I was doing with Wayward Purpose, she was the one that came back to me and said, ultimately, said that's just togetherness. And from one part of the the business, working with individuals and coaching, that's restoring the togetherness with ourselves. There's a part of it that I do with groups and and teams and everyone, and that's the the restoring togetherness with with others. And then there's another part of it that I'm really doing with all the the writing that with the with the newsletter, and that's kind of how we interact with the world, and the world interact with us. And from there, it's just grown into what it is now. So,
Erica D'Eramo 15:15
yeah, when you have a a vision of what restoring what that restored togetherness looks like. What is, what are some of the, the indicators you look for that in that show that people are on their way to restoring togetherness?
Will Paulson 15:33
Yeah, I think as as I've really dove down and and continue to level up coaching and my ability to coach leaders and and help walk alongside people as as they kind of restore that togetherness and and really find their way again, not necessarily find their way back because a lot of the people that I've had the opportunity and privilege to to coach are people who have built an entire life have had some type of definition of what does success mean, what does achievement mean, has built something, and they don't even know if that's what they want anymore, or something happens in their in their life that they they they end up losing a sense of autonomy or competence or relatedness, and they don't understand why, how, or or what to do next. And really, a lot of the the coaching practice and in writing is just getting people to figure out how to name whatever they're they're feeling, evoking some type of awareness for somebody that's capable to to kind of navigate forward and wants to put in put in the work to be able to try to fix in themselves or get to the point of seeing how they can reconnect with themselves with their loved ones and and and their communities and walk forward, and I think it honestly goes into mindset. My whole whole life, I've always been very interested in the the differences between like optimist and pessimist. Like optimism and pessimism. Like an optimist like focuses on what's present, pessimist focuses on what's missing, and in this like Wayward purpose, wayfinder, like world that I've created in my in my head here. I like the mindset I look at is like possibilism. I guess is is a word or wayfinding mindset. Like like it's it's not the glass is half empty or it's not the glass is half full. The glass is always 100% full. Just depends on what's in there. Is it 50% air plus 50% water? Sometimes it's somebody pours something into our glass that we don't want in there. Sometimes we have to dump the glass out. It's it's about it's about that examining what's there, recognizing what's possible, and then taking responsibility for what comes next, and and I think the idea of the emotional awareness is key in that because there's plenty of days where I have had to either show up to work and be like, hey, I'm only 50% here, but I'm here. I have just lost a cat, or I got things going on in in my life. I got this going on, but I'm here. And then being able to have a leader on the other side of that, it's like, okay, got it. And then to know that I still am responsible to things, and then to have a leader be able to also say the same things to me, and then know that I may have to show up for her or him a little bit better just that day. Like it's a it's the human experience of being able to understand where each of us are showing up at with what glass we have, and then going forward and and driving forward as as as a team that actively trusts each other because you can't have a team without trust otherwise you just have a group of people doing similar tasks together in in a room or digitally separated
Erica D'Eramo 19:18
yeah that's right. That's um, oh, that's so interesting. And right now, I'm kind of steeped in that world because I'm pursuing this team coaching credential. But this is the big question, right? Of like, is it what makes a team? And a group of people all working independently is not actually a team. It's just a group of people. Even if you want to call it a team on the org chart, it's a group of people. But that brings that back to me. What I'm hearing a little bit is the maybe even the element of the emotional awareness of self is important, especially as a leader, but also as a team member, because that allows us to communicate where we're at on the board. But then also that perception of the dynamics, the others, et cetera, that situational awareness that we probably think about in other contexts, but not necessarily when it comes to the emotional landscape, and that trust or that responsibility to others is, I think like a real enabling element of being able to then be motivated to perceive right. Like we do it with our loved ones. We we're always like, oh, are you okay today? How's it going? There's something going on, and they're like, no, no, I'm fine. No, there's something going on. But maybe less. I think folks tend to be less aware in the workplace, and even more so when you know there's a high operational tempo or you're in the thick of it. And yet, ironically, that's maybe when you need to be most aware of it. Like, hey, the medics having a meltdown. Maybe we need to get them out of here and put somebody else in. Yeah, I don't know what what's your what are your thoughts as I share that those ramblings.
Will Paulson 21:08
No, that it sparked a really interesting. Well, two things for me. I think one of them, where right up front is like you know I I do a lot of a lot of coaching with individuals and and also with with teams and and and leaders, and one of the one of the things I bring up to the leaders a lot of the times is just like your subordinates or your name, your noun of whoever is showing up for you has a responsibility to show up and meet whatever objectives, key results, goals, whatever. For you, you also have a responsibility as a leader to understand and hear and listen to what they're saying before trying to solve and and and to be able to lead with like curiosity and explore and understand what's underneath and don't assume and and build the environment where people can show up with their glass however they want every single day, and then you provide the environment that they'll want to show up with only 10% of water in that glass, the same as they want to show up with 90% of water in that glass. And as as as leaders, you have to be able to understand where that person is at, and and the reason being is like I've I've been on both sides of it, right? Like I've been I've been the leader in the room that had to to pull somebody in and give them an ass chewing for doing something completely dumb, and realizing they just made a lapse in judgment, and be able to have the tough conversation with them, follow back up with them. And there's been plenty of times throughout my career where I run into that same person like 10 years later, and they're like, "Thank you so much for being able to have that conversation with me, and then also not trying to shame me or guilt me or anything, and and just allowed me to continue to show up and it allowed me to change who I was and fix a lot of things that they didn't even realize. And I've also been on the other side of that where I've shown up and I've gotten an ass chewing and it didn't matter if I was a brand new like e3 senior airman or I was a e8 senior master sergeant. It didn't matter as long as I had a leader that I was able to trust. They were able to give me that ass chewing, and then for me to stop and think and pause and take in all the things and be able to respond back to them, and what was owed to them as much as what they owed me. Like having those close relationships and that trust ultimately led to being able to show back up the next day with 50% and then 80% So, as a leader, you never know what's coming in to your room. You don't know what's coming into your office, and sometimes, given the the benefit of the doubt and just exploring what's underneath and not assuming, is it's not about being emotional and and touchy feeling or any of that. It's just seeing the person as a human being that's exactly the same as you with thoughts, emotions, dreams, fears, doubts, and wanting to have that person on your side and having all the problems in front of you rather than putting that person across the table and putting the problem between you two.
Erica D'Eramo 24:33
Yes, yeah. I mean that that situational orientation around like the problem is over there, we're over here. It gets lost so much. As you were talking, it reminded me of this thing we see over and over with leaders around like not giving feedback, actually, and it made me think about how that emotional awareness of self is a key enabler for the difficult conversations, because so often leaders. Will just avoid the. They'll either go at it like, why did you do this thing? Like leveraging the shame full force, or they will just avoid it entirely because like I can't even deal with it. They'll be upset. Maybe they'll cry. Whatever. And yet, if we know like, oh, I'm feeling discomfort. That's what's happening right here. What is the discomfort from? I don't want to hurt their feelings. Okay, well, actually, withholding helpful feedback is not helpful for that person. It's not an act of trust in that person. It's not investing in that person and maintaining your high expectations of that person. So, even in those feedback conversations, like as you were talking, it made me think about the the impact, even about the ability to communicate the tough conversations when we have to do the self management first, like the emotional management first. And it also made me think of that video that went viral a while ago. It was like March of oh, it was like a a basketball player, the coach.
Will Paulson 26:03
Oh yeah,
Erica D'Eramo 26:04
yep. Brenda Freeze got in her player's face, Oluchi Okananwa, and there was a lot of reaction to the the player was a black player, the coach was a white woman, and so there's all like there's racial dynamics and there's hierarchy dynamics, and they came back later and said like, yeah, but that happened because we had trust established, and and the player had said to her coach, "I want you to be tough on me. I want you to get in my face. I want you to give me feedback. So, like, they had that agreement up. They had that operating agreement up front that enabled that. But people, I think, often misconstrue being nice for being supportive, and maybe that's because they're just going with that first initial emotion of I don't want to hurt somebody's feelings, or like I feel uncomfortable about bringing this and haven't dug a little deeper. What are your reactions to that?
Will Paulson 26:53
If if you're a leader and you're worried about hurting somebody's feelings, then that is instantly a flag to me that says you haven't even built a relationship with that person. And if you don't want to build a relationship with that person, then I don't know what you're doing trying to lead that person. And if you're okay just showing up as a manager and doing the doing the tasks without caring about the people, maybe there's something you got to figure out about yourself or a new career or something because people in leadership positions like you're you're steward of of other people's other people's hopes, dreams, missions, like their their lives as much as what they want to give to you. And I've had a lot of leaders who unintentionally have created a loss of of autonomy and competence and relatedness, and have destroyed have have destroyed individuals without even realizing they have. And it takes a lot of work to regain trust and install choice and connection back into groups of people, and to be honest, you can't even start that if you don't even understand who you are. And if if you're already saying I don't, I I'm too worried about hurting somebody's feelings, or if you're internalizing how somebody else is going to feel, then you haven't even created the the foundation to be able to have those conversations, probably with yourself and with the people that you lead, and that's okay because everybody's at some point in their life, and everybody has to start somewhere. We we can all have motivation and inspirations and visions, but it's all like a dream. Like you're going to wake up and it's just going to vanish unless you take some type of action going forward to to bring that to life. So,
Erica D'Eramo 28:42
yeah, I'm sure we could engage in this conversation for hours on end. So, for folks who are hearing our conversation, want to learn more about like wayward purpose, maybe sign up for your newsletter, which I highly condon. No, that's not the word. What is it? I highly recommend. Highly recommend. I also own the newsletter, but I do highly recommend the newsletter. I really enjoy it. Also, there's cat photos, so like you got me with the cat photos. But how how would they find you?
Will Paulson 29:15
Yeah, if anybody enjoyed any of the conversations or tangents here, waywardpurpose.com to be able to sign up for the newsletter each week. I write a what I call a waymaker, and it explores one topic, one theme every week. Throw in a coaching question, cat photos because I love my two cats very much. Definitely a cat person, and it's completely free. You can support any way that you want if if you want to, but right now, as I'm just developing the the practice, it's me writing out in public, and and working out a lot of these thoughts and a lot of the themes and questions that that we talked about here today, and yeah, it's just fun for me right now. And anybody that wants to come along the journey and path with me is more than welcome to. Subscribe and get a weekly way marker, and there'll be plenty of more in the future as this continues to develop. And this is really just the ground floor of it. So,
Erica D'Eramo 30:09
yeah, I I know you didn't mention it in your in in your journey, but I'm also just gonna like brag on Will for a second because not only is he had the professional journey, but also like an academic journey that is just very incredible. You are very, you are an academic, you are a thinker, you are a studier, and I really do appreciate your wisdom today for our listeners and for anyone who does want to learn more. We'll include those links on the show notes and and in the summary. So, yeah, too
Will Paulson 30:40
kind, Erica. Thank you. Had a blast today. Love this conversation. Like you, I could go on for hours on all of this. So thank you again for having me on, and looking forward to coming back on the future. Hopefully, so
Erica D'Eramo 30:52
yeah, absolutely. Yeah, thanks, Will, and thanks to our listeners for listening. And we'll catch you next episode.
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Emotional Awareness and Operational Readiness with Will Paulson
Two Piers Podcast
In this episode of the Two Piers Podcast, Erica D’Eramo is joined by Will Paulson for a conversation about emotional awareness, leadership, trust, and the role emotions play in operational readiness.
Will is an ICF-accredited leadership and innovation coach and the founder of Wayward Purpose, which he built around a mission of “restoring togetherness.” He is also a husband, father of four, lifelong learner, and military leader with nearly 20 years of experience developing people, leading teams, and navigating complex environments.
Drawing from their experiences in the military, energy industry, coaching, and leadership development, Erica and Will explore how emotional awareness shows up in high-stakes environments and why understanding what people are carrying can affect trust, communication, feedback, and performance.
Finding Coaching Through a Period of Disconnection
Will’s path into coaching began about five years ago, during a period when he felt increasingly disconnected from who he was and what he had built.
Around that time, he happened to meet several coaches in quick succession. His initial question was fairly basic: what exactly is a coach?
Like many people, Will had associated coaching with experiences such as coaching youth sports or mentoring others in the military. Joining a coaching cohort through Flatter, Inc. introduced him to a different model built around powerful questions, awareness, and helping people develop their own thinking.
That experience eventually led to more coach training and to the ideas that became Wayward Purpose.
For Will, coaching provided both a professional direction and a framework for exploring some of the questions he had already begun asking himself about identity, purpose, and connection.
Rethinking Emotions in High-Stakes Environments
The conversation then turns to the perception of emotions in operational settings.
Erica notes that in many high-stakes industries, emotions are sometimes treated as separate from the work itself: part of the “soft stuff,” rather than something connected to operational effectiveness.
Will recognizes that mindset from his own early military career. As a young leader, he absorbed the expectation that emotions should largely be pushed aside and that leaders, in particular, needed to keep themselves together regardless of what was happening personally.
His perspective began to change after reaching a point where he found himself in a chaplain’s office and breaking down.
That experience contributed to a broader shift in how he thought about leadership and the familiar idea of putting the mission first while taking care of people.
Over time, he came to see a much stronger connection between the two.
People drive the mission, and emotions are part of the information people carry into the work.
Emotional Awareness as Information
Will is careful to distinguish emotional awareness from simply acting on whatever someone happens to feel.
Emotions can provide information about what matters, what someone is responding to, or what may be happening beneath the surface. Reflection creates an opportunity to understand that information, and people can then decide what to do with it.
In that sense, Will does not see emotional awareness as the opposite of operational toughness. He sees it as part of operational effectiveness.
Erica connects that idea to her own experience in the energy industry. Looking back, she contrasts environments where formal support structures exist with industries where responsibility for noticing how people are doing may fall almost entirely to frontline leaders.
In either case, the leader still has a role to play.
Someone may be technically capable of doing a job while also arriving distracted, exhausted, grieving, overwhelmed, or simply operating differently than usual. Being aware of those changes can matter, particularly when the work requires sustained attention or carries significant consequences.
What “Restoring Togetherness” Means
Erica asks Will about the phrase at the center of Wayward Purpose: “restoring togetherness.”
The language came from an unexpected source.
Will was driving his 12-year-old daughter to dance practice and trying to explain what he was building. He described coaching individuals, working with teams and groups, and writing about how people interact with the world.
After listening to him explain it, his daughter summarized the idea much more simply: it was about togetherness.
That became a useful way for Will to think about the different parts of his work.
Individual coaching can involve restoring togetherness with ourselves. Work with teams and groups can involve restoring togetherness with others. His writing explores how people relate to the wider world.
Across those different settings, he often works with people who have achieved a great deal and built lives around a particular definition of success, only to reach a point where they are no longer sure whether that definition still fits.
Looking at What Is Actually in the Glass
Will uses another metaphor to describe how he thinks about people's current circumstances.
Rather than asking whether the glass is half full or half empty, he prefers to think of the glass as always full. The question is what is in it.
Sometimes it may contain half water and half air. Sometimes someone else has poured something into the glass that a person does not want there. Sometimes it needs to be emptied before something different can be added.
For Will, the point is to examine what is actually present, recognize what may be possible, and then take responsibility for what comes next.
That same approach applies to how people show up at work.
There have been days when Will has been able to tell a leader that he was only operating at 50 percent, while still recognizing that he had responsibilities to meet. On another day, that same leader might need more from him.
Those conversations depend on enough trust for people to be honest about where they are while continuing to work toward shared responsibilities.
Trust as Part of Being a Team
Erica connects that idea to her current work in team coaching and the distinction between a team and a group of people who happen to report into the same structure.
A group of people performing related tasks is not necessarily functioning as a team.
Trust and interdependence change the relationship.
Part of that involves being able to communicate where you are yourself while also noticing what may be happening with other people.
Erica compares that to the awareness people often have in close personal relationships. We may notice immediately that a loved one seems different, even before they say anything.
Those same cues exist in workplaces, although people may be less likely to notice or acknowledge them, particularly when the operational tempo is high.
That is one reason emotional awareness can become particularly relevant in demanding environments. Someone's emotional state may affect how they communicate, make decisions, receive feedback, or perform a critical role.
The Leader’s Responsibility to Listen
Will describes leadership as involving responsibilities on both sides.
The person being led still has responsibilities to meet objectives, contribute to the team, and do the work expected of them.
The leader also has responsibilities, including listening to what someone is actually saying before jumping into a solution or assumption.
Will encourages leaders to approach those moments with curiosity and try to understand what is underneath the behavior they are seeing.
He has experienced difficult feedback from both directions during his military career. He has been the leader who needed to have a direct conversation with someone after a serious lapse in judgment, and he has also been the person receiving that conversation.
What often determined whether those conversations were useful was the level of trust already present in the relationship.
Direct feedback could be received very differently when the person knew the leader was invested in them and would continue working with them after the conversation.
Emotional Awareness and Difficult Feedback
That leads Erica to one of the leadership challenges she sees frequently: people avoiding useful feedback because they are uncomfortable with the conversation.
Some leaders respond to problems with blame or shame. Others avoid the conversation entirely because they are concerned that the other person may become upset.
Emotional awareness can help the leader recognize what is happening within themselves before entering the conversation.
If the discomfort is driven by fear of upsetting someone, for example, the leader can examine whether avoiding the feedback is actually helpful to that person.
Erica points out that withholding useful feedback can deprive someone of an opportunity to develop. Having an honest conversation may reflect more trust in the person's ability to receive and use the information than avoiding the subject in an effort to be “nice.”
Relationships Shape How Feedback Is Received
Erica and Will also discuss the highly publicized interaction between University of Maryland basketball coach Brenda Frese and player Oluchi Okananwa.
A clip of the coach getting in the player's face prompted significant reaction online, including discussion of racial and power dynamics.
Later context from the people involved added an important piece: the player had explicitly asked her coach to be tough with her and to give her direct feedback.
For Erica and Will, the example illustrates how much context and relationship matter.
The interaction did not occur between two people with no prior understanding of each other. There was an existing relationship and an agreement about the type of feedback the player wanted from her coach.
Will argues that leaders need those relationships if they are going to have meaningful difficult conversations.
Leading people involves knowing them well enough to understand how to support their growth, hold them accountable, and maintain trust through moments of disagreement or correction.
Seeing the Person Behind the Role
Will returns several times to a fairly simple idea: people at work are still people.
They have goals, fears, relationships, doubts, responsibilities, and circumstances outside the workplace. Leaders do not need to solve all of those things, but ignoring them entirely can affect the relationship and the work.
He describes leadership as a form of stewardship and notes how easily leaders can unintentionally undermine someone's sense of autonomy, competence, or connection.
Once trust has been damaged, rebuilding it can take significant work.
For Will, restoring togetherness begins with enough self-awareness to understand what we are bringing into a relationship, followed by enough curiosity to understand the people around us.
Key Takeaway
Throughout the conversation, Erica and Will return to the connection between emotional awareness and how people function together.
Emotional awareness does not mean abandoning standards, accountability, or operational requirements. Instead, it gives people more information about themselves and each other.
For leaders, that information can shape how they approach feedback, recognize changes in a team member, understand their own discomfort, or build enough trust for people to communicate honestly about what is happening.
And for teams working in demanding environments, those relationships can influence how effectively people are able to work together when the pressure increases.
Connect With Will Paulson
Will Paulson is the founder of Wayward Purpose, where his work includes leadership and innovation coaching, writing, and exploring the idea of restoring togetherness.
You can subscribe to his free weekly Waymarker newsletter through the Wayward Purpose website. Each edition explores a theme or question Will is working through and includes a coaching question, along with the occasional cat photo.
You can also connect with Will on LinkedIn.