This Performance Cycle, Ditch Gold and Go for Platinum
Why curiosity, candor, and trust are the secret ingredients for effective performance conversations.
‘Tis the spooky season, y’all. The “Performance Cycle Season.” Whether this is the “mid-year” check-in point, or the year-end rack-and-stack exercise of deciding who gets a slice of the bonus pie, it’s that time of year when folks are doling out feedback and assigning ratings. The performance cycle is often viewed as a necessary evil: administrative, exhausting, and of low value. Something leaders try to survive rather than leverage.
I understand this feeling. I am far from a proponent of the bi-annual cycle. As we’ve written about previously, feedback should be early and often. A surprise in an annual review is an indictment of the manager, not the employee.. (Don’t even get me started on the damage of labeling the bottom 10% of a team as “Below Expectations” regardless of whether they met their performance objectives. That is a discussion for a whole other article… or TED Talk, for that matter.)
Despite the flaws in the processes, we know that organizations and individuals alike benefit from both cadence and structure to stay on track and ensure their smaller efforts contribute to their higher-order goals (and ultimately mission). When we view the performance cycle as merely a checkbox exercise or a slog to endure, we are failing our employees. Performance cycles are how modern organizations determine who gets rewarded, who gets opportunities, and who gets developed. That means that sloppy performance management can be an enduring driver of workplace inequity.
The irony is that most managers mean well. They want to protect feelings, preserve relationships, and avoid confrontation. But more often than not, discomfort with conflict or a misplaced desire to protect will ultimately undermine the very trust that leaders want to foster. It leaves the individuals, the broader team, and ultimately the organization worse off.
We’ll explore how leaders can tap into that sense of care and turn the performance feedback conversation into a valuable investment rather than an awkward obstacle to get through.
From the Golden Rule to the Platinum Rule
Many of us were raised with the Golden Rule: “Treat others as you would want to be treated.” This sounds great on the surface, but it ultimately centers us on our own experiences, preferences, fears, and desires.
When we get caught up in what we would want or how we would feel, we are making assumptions on behalf of the other person. Ironically, we often don’t even do a good job of putting ourselves in the shoes of the person receiving the feedback. Leaders will frequently tell me, “I don’t want to hurt their feelings or damage their confidence.” That’s a compassionate perspective, perhaps. Yet when I ask how it would feel if their own manager were having the same conversation with me, their face usually falls.
This is where the important shift comes in, differentiating average managers from transformational leaders. We can channel our compassion into a commitment to the Platinum Rule: “Treat others how they want to be treated.” Usually, that means treating them with respect, trust, and confidence in their capacity to grow.. Ultimately, this shift requires curiosity and engagement. It means pausing to ask about what is most important to them, how they’d like to grow, and how they prefer to receive feedback.
This type of collaborative discussion pairs accountability with partnership, showing respect for autonomy while clarifying intent. Rather than delivering information, we are co-creating a conversation.
Feedback as Duty and Care
I want to be clear: leadership sometimes requires difficult feedback. This part’s not optional. Avoiding those conversations may protect a leader’s short-term comfort, but it harms the team, the mission, and the individual in the long run.
When a behavior, habit, or gap is impeding progress or eroding trust, silence is not kindness. Failing to provide feedback is failing to invest in someone’s success. It’s leaving them without the data they need to improve, to contribute, and to thrive. It’s also robbing them of the opportunity to correct any potential misunderstandings or misperceptions. Ultimately, it is an abdication of responsibility as a leader.
The best leaders know that their remit extends beyond the individual to the health of the system. Clear, honest, skillful feedback protects both people and performance.
Humility and Curiosity in Action
Of course, feedback is filtered through human perception, which means it can never be truly objective. It is naturally colored by our own biases and provided from our own limited vantage point. That’s where humility comes in, and where our old friend, curiosity, continues to bear fruit.
As leaders, we can share what we are seeing, observing, and interpreting. We can even relay our hypotheses around what is truly happening or how we’re connecting the dots. But the conversation becomes much more powerful when we work together to fill in the gaps. Not only does this practice mitigate the risk of missing information, but it also helps engage the recipient of our feedback in a two-way conversation, allowing them to take ownership, exert agency, and engage in active reflection. “Here’s what I’m seeing. What might I be missing?”
These small checks for gaps in perception can transform a one-way critique into a shared exploration. They convey trust, openness, respect, and an acknowledgment of our own limitations. Feedback delivered this way shifts from a verdict to an invitation to clarity.
The Nervous System Knows Before the Words Do
One of the most important things managers can do to improve feedback conversations is to manage their own emotions effectively. As humans, we can sense when feedback comes from a place of anxiety rather than genuine belief. When a leader is tense or apologetic, people brace for judgment. When a leader is grounded, calm, and steady, people sense safety, even when the message is hard to hear.
So often, we’re trained to see feedback as criticism, when it can be a powerful act of belief. It says, “I see your capability, and I am invested in your growth.”
We won’t deep-dive on the Pygmalian Effect here (see our other post on Confidence, Compassion, and the Power of Perception for a primer). But you can be certain that people can sense our expectations of them based on how and when we deliver feedback. Let’s look at two quick examples:
“Honestly, I have a sense that you are capable of so much more than what you’re currently delivering.”
“You did such an amazing job on *insert easy/trivial task*. Great work! Keep it up!”
Sure, Example A might seem pretty harsh (it’s not exactly high-quality feedback), but I use it to point out the contradiction of delivering “nice” feedback. Example B might seem supportive at first glance, but ultimately, it’s patronizing and signals low expectations, both of which can be incredibly demoralizing.
Feedback is not just a performance conversation. It’s a nervous-system conversation. The posture you bring, (confident, compassionate, curious), determines how the words land. The best way to ensure your words are received and understood is to start with grounding yourself in confidence, humility, and a sense of partnership.
Three Questions for Grounded Feedback
Before delivering feedback, you can pause and run a 30-second gut-check:
What outcome am I serving: the person, the team, or both? Feedback isn’t just for the moment; it’s for the health of the system.
How does this person prefer to receive feedback? This includes timing, setting, and tone. Format flexes. Integrity doesn’t.
What am I assuming, and what might I be missing? Check your perception gaps with humility before solidifying judgment.
Our Closing Invitation
Feedback done well is one of the most powerful tools in leadership. It balances courage with care, honoring both accountability and humanity.
The leaders who master it can deliver difficult truths as acts of trust, belief, and investment. When feedback is grounded in dignity and curiosity, it becomes what it was always meant to be: a bridge.
As you move through this performance cycle, ask one more question before each conversation: “Am I protecting their comfort, or investing in their growth?”
Choose growth. That's leadership.