It's Thanksgiving! All across the US, folks are debating side dishes and planning their Black Friday strategies. In this episode, we reflect on some of the challenges that this season can bring and share some thoughts on how to navigate them. We also share some resources to help explore the true history of Thanksgiving and the National Day of Mourning.
The originally planned speech by Wamsutta James of the Wampanoag
Historian Maya Rook's site - you can email her at maya@illusorytime.com to access the replay
Two Piers November Book List
Transcript below:
Erica D'Eramo 0:05
Hello, and welcome to the Two Piers podcast. I'm your host, Erica D'Eramo. And today we have kind of unusual episode for you. So it's Thanksgiving here in the US and rather than, you know, produce an episode with a guest to talk about a topic or one of our themes, I'm just popping on for a really short episode, just talk about this holiday a little bit and share some thoughts related to the concept of thanksgiving.
Erica D'Eramo 0:42
So in the US right now, this is, you know, our typical time of year for gathering for celebrating family for celebrating food, for celebrating shopping, all of the commercial, materialist, you know, messaging is ramping up as we approach the holiday season. And it can certainly be a great holiday for folks who love to cook for folks who love to host who love to get together with family who have really pleasant memories associated with that. A lot of times, it's the one time of year that people will travel to see family members that maybe they don't get to see throughout the year. So I do want to acknowledge that it can be a really joyful holiday for a lot of people. And for many years, for most of my life, I think Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday because I love to cook and I love to host and so it gave me something to really focus on that wasn't just about, you know, buying presents, or there wasn't a big like religious element to it. And growing up in a Catholic household. There was no like going to long maths or anything like that. So Thanksgiving was a big, kind of favorite holiday of mine. And we would usually travel to New Jersey and I would get to see cousins and aunts and uncles that I didn't get to see throughout the year. So I always had really positive associations with thanksgiving. But I do also want to acknowledge that it can be a really stressful holiday for a lot of people who either don't get along with family who have family tensions, it can be a time where people's boundaries get crossed a lot. For anyone who struggles with like eating disorders or weight issues, there can be a lot of shame that is brought by family members about like, why aren't you eating enough? Why are you eating that much? A lot of judgment. And a lot of tension. There's always that discussion of like politics at the dinner table and you know, who feels what about what's going on. And that can be really tense. Also, anyone who's maybe lost family members due to them passing or due to family conflict, people who have had to go no contact with their family, people have experienced trauma within their family. So I just want to, you know, show some compassion for folks who this is not exactly a pleasant holiday. And if you're celebrating this holiday, either with your family, with your chosen family, if you're doing a Friendsgiving if you're if you're just hanging out with your cats or your book today and getting some peace of mind, if you're getting a headstart on your taxes, whatever that is for you, like it's all valid. I just hope that today, there is somewhere that, you know, for folks who are facing some struggles that you're able to find some peace, even if it's like hiding out in the bathroom for a little bit and just taking a breather doing some deep breaths, you know, like that. That might be where you can find some piece today in the basement. Maybe you can go down and get an extra can of cranberry sauce and just hang out for a little bit or find the pet in the household and go hang out with them for a little bit. That's always been a go to for me. So you know beyond just the interpersonal stuff that goes on during Thanksgiving, there's also this looming pressure of Black Friday and some people will get really excited about Black Friday. Sometimes that's an opportunity for people who to stretch their dollars and to kind of maybe stock up for the coming year with gifts and it's a time to like think of their loved ones and what they might be able to give to their loved ones. Ironically, and I know that love languages have sort of gotten a lot of slack. But I really do feel that one of the ways that I show and feel love is through gifts like that's actually one of my key love languages, that and acts of service. And that might sound surprising since I usually tell people, please don't buy me gifts. But for me, there's something very special about seeing something that encapsulates just how much I know about someone and what they, you know, what they mean to me, or how I interpret the way they show up in the world and finding a little gift that kind of gives that message and showing them that they're cared about, and vice versa. So I think the reason that I'm always I get really stressed about gifts is because I take them so seriously. And so when I receive a gift that is not, that just says, like, I don't know, you, or I haven't thought about you, or like, you know, as a vegetarian, If I get a gift of a ham, which has happened before, by the way, it's just kind of like, "oh, Okay," I don't know, I feel a little bit sad, I feel gratitude as well, that someone thought of me, and I am appreciative. And also, I think I put so much meaning in that connection with gifts. So for folks who either don't like gift giving, or who take it very seriously, this sort of looming gift giving season can be really stressful. There's a lot that goes into it. And Black Friday, you know, like people will start camping out tonight for Black Friday sales, and there's just so much around spending and the commercialism of it all, and it puts a lot of pressure on folks, a lot of pressure on folks who are trying to make their money stretch as far as possible right now, in the midst of rising cost of living, rising housing prices, rising energy prices, like just getting through a year, the base cost of surviving through a year has gone up significantly. And so this might not be, you know, a really exciting time for people who are making every penny stretch. And so I'm conscious of that, you know, going into this season, I also know that there's a lot of talk of gratitude and, and being thankful and you know, going around the table and saying what you're thankful for. And I'm wanting to acknowledge that there's some some really solid research on the benefits of a gratitude mindset. And I think that, you know, I recently recorded an episode that will air in 2024, about reframing challenges as, as you know, opportunities. And so there's a lot in there around mindset that I think is related. So the science is solid. And there's plenty that's been written about gratitude and gratitude journals and gratitude practices. So I'm not going to really retread that ground. It can be really beneficial for physical health, for mental health, etc. And I think that sometimes that messaging, you know, it's a practice for a reason, that is not something that you can just do one time and reap the benefits. And I think sometimes it feels a bit performative to talk about what we're grateful for, it might just feel right feel performative to like, spend three seconds and say I'm grateful for and then just pick something out of the air. So if that doesn't resonate for you, and it doesn't work for you. There are there are other ways to, to approach a gratitude practice. And, you know, journaling is a really big one, because you put it on paper, you don't have to share it out loud. It's not about, you know, saying something for the benefit of others to hear it. Although there has been additional research that shows that witnessing acts of gratitude actually has a positive impact on the people who are witnessing as well. But again, that's like genuine gratitude, it has to come from a place of feet actually feeling it and feeling genuine about it. So, yeah, today, you know, if if the dark, darker days, and the shorter, the shorter amounts of sunlight are starting to wear away at your mental health and if all of the conflict in the news and maybe the conflict in your household is starting to wear away at you, I definitely recommend you know, finding a way to approach a gratitude practice that works for you. And it's going to be different for everyone. So yes, that was originally the practice of thanksgiving. You know, stepping aside from the whole turkey and and the whole narrative around the Puritan settlers and the Wampanoag tribe in the US the actual original quote unquote Thanksgiving was around this practice of you know, giving thinks and and fasting even and so maybe there was like food around breaking the fast but it was not about feasting, necessarily. And I can think historian Maya Rook, local Maine historian here for hosting a recent webinar on the true history of thanksgiving. She had lots of great information in there, we included a link in our recent newsletter. So if that's of any interest to you, I would definitely recommend checking it out. She has it available for replay, she has it on a sliding scale for payment. So really, really interesting, packed with great information in there. And it's like 90 minutes of really good info. Fascinating, fascinating history. So hopefully, we'll have Maya on the podcast at
Erica D'Eramo 10:38
some point in 2024, to share some of her knowledge and wisdom. But yeah, she she kind of debunked this thought that it has always been a feast originally, it was really about like, giving things. And so to shift over to what the real history of Thanksgiving is, you know, we we've seen the imagery around the Puritan settlers also sometimes called the Pilgrims arriving in Plymouth and and struggling and the Wampanoag tribe who is there helping them turns out, you know, as my explains in her webinar, there's a whole lot more going on there than what we saw in the, you know, Thanksgiving plays, maybe in our elementary school days. But for many Native communities in the US, for many indigenous and American Indian tribes in the US, that narrative really flies in the face of their experience throughout the past, you know, centuries. And so, this day, as well as being called Thanksgiving is also called a national day of mourning. And the history behind that is that in 1970, the town of Plymouth, Massachusetts wanted to host a 350 year anniversary of the first Thanksgiving. So they asked a member of the Wampanoag tribe, his name was Frank James, also known as Wamsutta. And he was asked to come and give a speech and deliver a speech. And the intention was that he kind of toe the line stick to the story about this being, you know, a celebration and the indigenous tribes and the, and the settlers kind of living in harmony over the years and helping each other etc. And he wasn't planning on delivering that message, he was going to give a less varnished and unvarnished kind of message around what the history really was. And in the end, they blocked his speech, he was not actually allowed, they wanted to review his speech. And they said, Well, we're not really down with this, we're going to edit it for you. So they had like a PR person, edit it. And he said, I'm not going to deliver that speech as edited. It's not aligned with what I believe. And so now there is actually a plaque in Plymouth, that kind of details some of this and ever since there's been, you know, a recognition of this national day of mourning. And you can find the full speech that he was originally going to present on, you know, it's available on the internet, but one of the places you can find it is UAINE.org. And that stands for the United American Indians of New England. So they've held demonstrations over the years on Thanksgiving, and to kind of raise awareness of this national day of mourning. And it's really a very moving speech. It's from 1970, right. So more than 50 years ago now, which is kind of hard to believe, but and so some of the language that is used these days has evolved and changed and shifted over time. But a really moving speech, I almost read that speech today. But I feel like it's probably best to go read it directly and sit with it for a little while. As a company that's focused on diversity, equity and inclusion and removing some of these barriers to opportunity and access so that we can fully tap into what we have to bring what each individual has to bring to the world, the experiences that they can have in this world. It's important to me that we take a clear eyed view of history because that's, that's the only way we can really understand the world that we're living in today. And why we're still facing these issues that were set in motion. Litter literally, you know, over 300 years ago, and the ongoing effects of some of those, those harms that were done, and This is not just a thing of the past right in. In the US today, there's still conversations around native sovereignty, this is Native American heritage month, November, it's not an accident that it falls at the same time, on the same month as Thanksgiving. And it's really a time to learn about the history of, you know, Native Americans, American Indians, indigenous tribes in the US. And the ongoing conflict and struggle that we're still seeing in some of the state legislatures, in some of the federal rulings that we see out of the federal courts that impact native sovereignty and access to resources, access to opportunities and, and really unlearning some of the ways that we were taught to see this history. Growing up, like even in the 1980s, when I was going through school, there was so much of this, I didn't learn until I was an adult, I had no idea about the residential school systems that, you know, systematically and quite effectively decimated much of the culture that the United States was trying to eradicate from the native populations. So if you haven't done much reading on on that history, if you're not familiar with the residential school systems there, there's a lot out there, I highly recommend looking into it. Familiarizing yourself with what happened there. There's a lot of travesty, it's really painful to read about and necessary if we don't want those ways of thinking and those ways of treating other humans to continue into our current timeline. And I think that that's a real risk. Right now, as we see more and more dehumanizing language in media on social media. In mainstream news, we're seeing, you know, in politics, we're seeing a lot of dehumanizing language. And so, you know, history repeats itself. And that's why we need to understand what came previously. Okay, so with that, I think I want to end on a slightly more positive note, and say that if, if you're, you know, deciding to skip out on the holiday shopping this year, if you're deciding to focus on just spending time with family, if you want to curl up with a book under a heated blankets, all of those, all of those ways are perfectly good ways to spend your holidays, it's, it's absolutely fine. There are ways to connect with other people who don't necessarily have family to go to or have resources. So there's lots of volunteer opportunities around the holidays. And that's a great way to connect with with other humans and find some community. And for the introverts out there like me, you know, you can always voice your needs tap out as needed. Remember "I-centered language" and boundaries are a gift they are, boundaries are necessary to show compassion and to show empathy. So don't be afraid to use your boundaries this holiday season if you need some time away, or you need some quiet time. And as we enter into December, we'll have a couple more short podcast episodes to wrap up the year. And December will really be about sort of some quiet time for us here at Two Piers. I know that for myself, I'll be doing a lot of deep work, getting some writing done, getting some preparation for 2024 getting all of our our plans mapped out. So you might not hear from us as much as we entered December probably go a little bit quiet on social media go a little bit quieter in terms of offerings and articles. And like I said the podcast will be some shorter episodes, but we'll still be focusing on that theme of resilience wrapping up our November theme of resilience, which ties into gratitude actually, because gratitude is a big and thankfulness is a big piece of fostering resilience. And then in December, our upcoming theme is really around rest and what that means and how to access it especially for those overachievers out there who like me, struggle with the concept of rest. So you know, where does that concept come from? And how do we learn to embrace rest a bit, a bit in a in a more healthy way. And coming up in 2024 we have you know, speaking of resilience, we do have a mastermind launching in February. So we were initially going to do that in November, I decided to that people were just too burnt out already. And so we're gonna push, we pushed that to February. So we'll be doing a six week mastermind on fostering resilience, how, what that actually means. So like, there's a lot of misunderstanding around resilience. And the difference between resilience and endurance, I talked about that a bit in our most recent digest. And we'll talk about what you can do to actually lead to resilient outcomes. What a resilient outcome looks like,
Erica D'Eramo 20:39
what does that even mean when we talk about that. And spoiler alert, it does not mean just putting up with terrible things forever. And enduring, that's something different. So yeah, we look forward to seeing you next episode in December and talking a bit more about rest. And if you are interested in exploring some of these concepts we talked about today, we already mentioned the webinar from Maya. But there's also our two peers book list that you can find at Bookshop.org. And we list a few great books that you can read in terms of native Native American Heritage Month and what that really means. We have a book on there called Council of Dolls, which talks about, it's a fictional novel, actually, but it is based on real events. And it talks about the residential school system and sort of the intergenerational impacts of that. And it's a really gripping novel. And so that's, that's on our book list. Breeding Sweetgrass is another great read for Thanksgiving season. So that book is by Robin Wall Kimmerer. She She shares about like, indigenous wisdom, her scientific knowledge, she's a scientist. And she talks a lot about plants and kind of where our food comes from, and how we interact with the natural world around us. So big fan of Robin Wall Kimmerer, and her her book Braiding Sweetgrass. So lots of reading out there to be done. We also have plenty of books out there on the list that relate to resilience and building resilience, you know, tighter our theme this month. So encourage you to head over to our bookshop.org to plenty of great books on our list for this month. And we'll include the link to that in our show notes as well. And we look forward to seeing you next episode in December, and good luck to everyone out there. And I hope that you whatever it is that you're eating today. You enjoy it. And you're able to appreciate where it came from and all the effort that went into the food that shows up on your table. And I wish you a great Thanksgiving.